Dave is…
In Helsinki, Finland.
HAHAHA This is the first thing I saw when I left the hostel this morning. It really should be based out of Jersey.
I just have this image of a bunch of idiots with gelled hair and sleeveless Armani shirts going “Hey yo! So like they’re all blond here. Phat.” Silly Guidos.
I guess I shouldn’t insult their intelligence, I made some dubious decisions today the main one being going out to Suomenlinna the island outside Helsinki that’s how to the UNESCO heritage fort that used to protect Helsinki harbor. The weather was ugly and threatening and I had been warned it was only fun on sunny days, but my time here is almost nonexistent so Carpe Diem; I sized the diem and went out there. Of course the moment the boat approached the dock it started to pour.
So I spent the first half hour on the island in the visitor’s center reading my book. When it abated somewhat I wandered out to explore and what I saw looked like it would be pretty cool in nice weather.
Some of it was even pretty cool in foul weather, but the rain never completed stopped and frequently waited till I was as far from shelter as possible before opening up again furiously.
I dealt with this until my clothes were actually wet enough for me to feel it and then I finally broke out the rain poncho. Of course once I did that the rain never picked up in intensity again making the poncho a bit over the top, not to mention aggravating (and don’t think it’ll ever fold up into that little flat bag again). Sigh.
So I gave up on the island, but I was on a schedule anyway so it was ok. I needed to be in Kaisaniemi Park by 2:30. It just so happens this weekend Helsinki is hosting the World Village Festival which is to promote a wide variety of NGO’s and in general a greater awareness of our global responsibilities and includes food, crafts, info booths, and most important from my perspective two stages of international music.
I got there just in time to see the a “supergroup” led by Olavi Uusivirta and including Paula Vesala (from Finn rock group PMMP) and Tuomo Prattala (toughest man alive. FOUR OOMLATS in his last name) play a selection of songs that were played at the original Woodstock. Their set consisted of:
Woodstock – CSNY
Tears of Rage – The Band
The Weight – The Band
4 & 20 – Stephen Stills
Mr Soul – Neil Young
Somebody to Love – Jefferson Airplane
I Shall Be Released – The Band (I think, I am not sure who covered this song there)
Fire – Hendrix
With a Little Help From My Friends – Joe Cocker
They did a decent job though it varied greatly depending on the song and they definitely made for an interesting group. The main lead singer didn’t quite have the vocal chops for some of the tunes (but graduated with honors from the Jagger / Plant school of dancing rock frontmen) and the keyboardist with his elbow patched tweed jacket, soul patch goatee and glasses looked like he should be in some smoky coffee house discussing Kierkegaard and the applications of existentialism to his failed relationship with women, but they managed to pull it together. That was due in large part to this guy who wandered out just in time to blister through Fire with some real guitar chops,
And this girl whose name I don’t know (she could be Paula Vesala for all I know) who made my heart swoon even before her powerful rendition of Be Released. I think its in large part due to the Grace Potter effect. Defined as: pretty but not mind-blowing attractive women instantly become so if they have any real musical ability. Its like beer goggles cept much harder to shake and based on a more legitimate argument. Doubt me? How else do you explain anyone ever fighting over Stevie Nicks? The spirit of Woodstock didn’t stop when they did though, oh no, this morning’s rain ensured that I tramped through Woodstock’s legacy all afternoon which is always fun in sandals. If only Nemena could see my feet now.
So I wandered the booths being infinitely less annoyed by the concentration of hippie causeheads because all their literature was in Finnish and settled in with a beer to listen to Esther Bertram on the second stage. I also spent a lot of time pondering the above hair style which was standing right in front of me during the Woodstock set. Its like Princess Leia wasn’t enough so she tossed in this intense braid of two toned hair. It is easily the dumbest hairstyle I have ever seen, far and away worse than any variation on the mullet or rattail. I think this haircut belongs in a museum or at least some sort of home for the disturbed.
I wandered back to the main stage for Jimmie Lawson, Hannah Wilson and the Gospel Jubilee Train but they were terrible. So I buggered off and explored the main exhibition tent in depth which is where I found the Esperanto table. They were displaying Esperanto shirts which I was aching to buy but I was told they were just for display and the Esperanto dude gave me his email so I can order one later. Bonega! (Esperanto for cool)
Again I sallied out to the main stage, this time for Dirty Babylon Breaker (A Babylon Circus Experience) whatever that means. Turns out it meant they were a French “rap” act. Seemed to me they couldn’t decide what they were trying to blend, rap, world beats, and rock. I could decide what they were: Shit. Should’ve known the second I heard they were French rap, but I rectified my mistake within two songs.
But I quickly found something worse: drum circles. The worst thing in the world, sent down by God to punish us for our sins and provide entertainment for stoned kids in patchwork pants with no rhythm. If I were to ever go deaf and could never hear another album or go to another concert this would be the one silver lining in that life destroying cloud. See, I’m not always bitter. I can be an optimist.
The afternoon’s musical accompaniment ended at 8pm with La Sarita. They are a “Peruvian fusion rock band” with political themes. Essentially they are a Spanish Rage Against the Machine with a screaming rap rock frontman who did the Michael Jackson one-glove thing with a knitted rainbow glove, and occasionally wore a robot helmet.
Of course, RATM never had a guy come on stage in native Peruvian dress and then dance around before putting a rod through his tongue and hanging a violin case from it (As seen in today’s lead photo). That’s pretty rock. Oh and the guy also did a series of somersaults with his foot in his mouth. Literally. This man was amazing. Zack De La Rocha eat your heart out.
After that display I went home, but I should have gone frolfing cause the sun didn’t go down till almost 12. Still another solid day in the land of the pale blond frolf loving people.