Dave and Josh are…
In Budapest
Despite evading the vampires we felt pretty darn close to undead when we disembarked just after 7am this morning. Crossing the border took forever as we had to show our passport to three sets of officials (no idea who the third group represented) and some other dude kept coming in the compartment to look under some of the seats (but not all) or stand on a small ladder and look at the ceiling (no clue) which all made for a more action filled 3am hour than Josh and I would prefer.
It didn’t help that even after we dropped our stuff off at the hostel we were still over an hour too early for any place to be serving breakfast. In the tourist heart of town, in an area also full of business people there wasn’t a single place to get the most important meal of the day. Even Burger King and Mickey-Ds were closed.
So we sat outside and waited and waited and watched some sort of covert meeting of spies take place behind us and finally we were rewarded with two more of the best croissants ever made. They were so good that the birds couldn’t wait for us to leave before trying to grab the scraps.
The little bastards were gang raping my plate without the slightest acknowledgement of the scowls I was hurling at them. There were five of them at one point! Josh of course was loving it. I think he took more pictures of this than of anything else on the trip.
I finally conceded the battle and we went and checked out the big Jewish synagogue and museum and memorial which gave me the chance to wear that sweet skull cap again.
But things went somewhat awry shortly thereafter as we entered THE LABYRINTH. I was a little worried about this adventure as all I know about labyrinths is that even if you avoid the minotaur at the center, a mulleted David Bowie will steal your little brother. This one proved in many ways as strange as Hoggle though without the redemptive presence of a lithe Jennifer Connelly. Part of the real (at least originally) caves that crisscross the hills of Buda, the Labyrinth consisted of several sections the first of which was full of (very poorly done) fake cave paintings. They would’ve looked better if the rock behind them hadn’t been painted white to bring them out.
Then there was a section with random statues “hewn” out of the “rock” and strange low tribal music that prompted Josh and I to do our best caveman imitations which essentially consisted of saying things like “I’m just an innocent caveman lawyer. I am not used to your ways” between bouts of dancing around in a manner more reminiscent of Indians in spaghetti westerns than true Cro-Magnon.
There was also the Smells-Like-a-Frat-House-the-Day-After Labyrinth that featured numerous fountains of wine that obviously have been recycled a few too many times but that was still better than the Labyrinth of the Future that showed us what possible fossils people in the future might find and essentially consisted of lame attempts at humor like the fossil of the Zach Morris cell phone.
It really culminated with the double whammy of the Labyrinth of Bravery which was just a dark tunnel not so much fear inspiring as annoying as you tried not to run into the damn wall and the Labyrinth of Commercial Tourism Films played on loop. We didn’t dawdle there though some Asian tourists seemed to really be digging it.
Having made it out without needing to mark our trail with a string we let Buda redeem itself at pretty much the greatest outdoor café of all time.
Set up in an open air colonnade that presented a stunning view of Pest across the river it was complimented by a truly great violinist who not only could play a damn fine fiddle but was also savvy enough to know that we weren’t bothering for tips. We actually ordered a second round of expensive beers just cause the place was that sweet.
Inevitably though our wanderings took us back to our old standby the art house cinema but this time we went for the very untouristy goal of seeing Will Ferrell’s Stranger than Fiction. And it was pretty good. I frequently don’t like this type of strange hipster comedy (see, or rather don’t, Punch Drunk Love) but I had been really intrigued by the movies central conceit (someone narrating your life) and it delivered with some serious laughs and even a plot resolution that didn’t spoil the rest of the film.
After that kind of once in a lifetime experience we were all set to call it a day when Josh finally got a hold of the father of a friend of his who is a curator at a medical museum and who is currently in Budapest leading a group of old fart physicians around to European medical museums. And people say I have strange travel itineraries. So, small world, we went and met up with him, got to drink some free beer in a hotel bar, swipe free candy from the hotel candy dish and I came damn near sneaking a free ride to Vienna with a busload of old doctors which I imagine would’ve made for a pretty entertaining trip.
“I was a little worried about this adventure as all I know about labyrinths is that even if you avoid the minotaur at the center, a mulleted David Bowie will steal your little brother.”
Finally, a reference I don’t understand & am curious enough to ask about. Did David Bowie actually steal Max? Translation, please.
No, David Bowie to my knowledge has never absconded with my brother. The reference is to the 1986 movie Labyrinth.
Jennifer Connelly is has to babysit her little brother Toby. Resentful, she inadvertently “conjures from a fantasy world the Goblin King (David Bowie) who steals the child and brings him to his castle in the middle of a labyrinth. Sarah has to rescue him before midnight, or the baby will became a goblin”
It features a variety of Henson muppets. I think youd really like it. I hadnt seen it till the day before the Super Bowl this year when Josh and Jeff yelled at me for not knowing it and then Lou beat me with a shirt when I made comments during it.
I’d hate it — Muppets!!!!!!
Thanks for the review
Hey Dave,
I talked with your mom tonight and she gave me the address to your blog-I will be monitoring things closely. I just need you to know that with some of the information I’m seeing, I’m still a little worried about the time for ‘you know what’! Just kidding you bud!
Can you believe it will be just a couple of months??????? Sorry about you having to miss Panic in Chitown–I’m sure Danny would join you in that!
I’ll talk at ya later- your information is awesome and the pictures are great!
Later-Mama K