Dave is…
Getting the gift that keeps on giving all season long.
It’s called that thirty pack of Natty in the bottom left so beautifully complementing the lights of the tree.
But in all seriousness, I actually gave the gifts that keep on giving: STDs. That’s right I gave Katie syphilis, Liz gonorrhea and since I wasn’t sure if I was gonna see Emily I gave herpes to Sean and he unknowingly carried it to her. Oh and I gave my aunt Chlamydia. I know that last one sounds a little messed up.
Its not though, in fact its kinda cute, thanks to GiantMicrobes.com. This site sells plush molecules of common diseases blown up a million times and given smiley faces. I opted for the STD 4-pack. Who knew the pox was so cute? It made me wish I knew people with diseases. Instead though I gave one each to my aunt (who of all my relatives would appreciate it) and three of the most beautiful girls I know.
The best part I wont even be able to see. Its when their coworkers, making post holiday chitchat ask what they got for Christmas and Emily goes, “The best man at my wedding gave me Herpes.” That will end that conversation so fast. I think im gonna buy more to use on Valentine’s Day, I mean chocolate and flowers are so boring, and only slight less predictable in today’s dating scene.