The rumors spread fast, threatening to even overshadow the Brett Favre roadshow, at least in the Central Illinois area, but it’s true, my father, the Old Man himself, is the Illinois State Senior Spelling Champion. My horror at the disgrace he has brought to the proud lineage of Midwestern spelling competitions is still being properly articulated.
While I spell check my outrage enjoy the range of reactions from other sources:
• Despite clear conflicts of interest, the newspaper of record ran not one but two fawning articles on its employee’s spelling prowess. Just don’t ask any of them to spell “journalistic integrity” or “ethics”
• I do however want to draw your attention to the comments section of this article. I am immensely proud that despite the SJ-R’s attempted stranglehold on local media there are still those that know there are websites out there where the truth refuses to be suppressed.
• WAND Newschannel 17 did an interview with the “winner” and ran a segment on him during the 5 o’clock news. The Old Man was nice enough to hold the phone in front of the TV so I could hear it. He taped it but is too old to understand how to upload it to YouTube and WAND, clearly not good at muckraking have neglected to put that particular segment up on its website, so they get no link.
• If Scripts can be televised on ESPN there is no reason the Illinois State Fair’s spelling reenactment of the Quiz Show scandal cant make noted sports website The Bleacher Report.
• Finally, as you all know, as part of his ruthless plan to win, the Old Man strategically waited till I was 6000 miles out of the picture before attempting this end around on fair play. Nevertheless, reliable WhereDaveIs correspondent, my aunt Barb was among those in attendance and sent back a number of reports. If you haven’t read her comment on the previous post I encourage you to do so. Otherwise here are choice excerpts of her reports:
Michael, father of David and Max, and, more importantly, son of Eileen Vetter K____, breathes and clearly spells his way into the history books of the Illinois State Senior Spelling Bee — Champion for 2009!!! Cheers, applause, photographs, interviews follow. If you can find the Channel 17 NBC Springfield station news of the Fair for Monday 8/17/09, you will see a comfortable, humorous interview with your dad.
He has told all asking that he is retiring from the competitive spelling world, afraid he will have to spell against one of those wunderkids of the Scripts spelling bees and lose immediately. Seriously, he was approached by multiple people across the fairgrounds and congratulated! The IL Building auditorium was quite full with spelling fans; I don’t understand but enjoyed the whole deal even though there will be no living with the man. Still think his “semi-pro” status could put a stain on the competition not seen outside politics in IL, at least not since the Black Sox scandal of 1919.
• Your father in his muted Hawaiian shirt and ballcap was in back (3rd) row (third to last speller) and yet stood out as MUCH younger looking and with an easily heard and understood voice. More than one of the 22 competitors had mobility problems and/or the quavering voice of the old. We need to get the birthers looking in to this, I don’t doubt that his mother plotted from his birth to get him to this position.
• Mike admitted on television to being a professional speller — Jim Thorpe had his Olympic medals taken back for less.
• Who is getting a kickback for the VERY suspicious word choices? — “krugerrand” took out a fourth of the field before it got to Michael who just happens to have his first born established in South Africa; the winning word was “deterrence”; that was a challenge because…?
Mike’s first word: dhurrie, pronounced “dury” as rhymes with “jury”. He apparently gave a look at the A thru M part of one of his study lists earlier that morning and noted that dhurrie needed to be remembered for not ending in a y — Fate? Or just ridiculously over prepared? (Ed. Note: ridiculously over-prepared)
• The audience was packed with friends and relatives of the “winner”; they just fortuitously had signs declaring his victory before the first word was pronounced. (See top picture)
• The announced “pronouncer” Jerry Lambert, rival newsman from an opposing media, mysteriously did not show up…….
David, I hate to be the one to tell you but I think your father rigged the whole deal so he could collect the big money price; bask in the fame (An amazing number of people stopped him in the fairgrounds to congratulate him; request his help with future spelling ventures!). Suspicions will be confirmed when as the investigatory heat turns up, Michael Kienzler disappears to a faraway third world country. I’m thinking of changing my name.
I will remain your aunt, Wilhemina CelliniI
(Part II of this potentially Pulitzer Prize winning series on the bastardization of the American dream at no less than that most American of institutions, the State Fair, coming soon)
actually, it’s wics that’s abc-tv now. it’s confusing, they traded networks with wand a few years ago. but it’s ok, they don’t have the story on their site now anyway.
This is really funny. Makes me feel better about violating my journalistic integrity. Thanks!